When someone confesses to or is caught in an affair, one of the first things they say is, “I didn’t mean it.” “She/he meant nothing to me,” for example. In other words, they end up somewhere they never intended to be. The majority of people do not intend to cheat on their spouse and the question on how to avoid illicit sex activities while in a relationship or marriage becomes a concern to many.
Everything starts small. It all starts with an uncontested thought, perhaps even nurtured into a fantasy. Those thoughts develop into an attitude, and the attitude develops into a disposition. This attitude erodes boundaries and obscures our sense of right and wrong.
Most men find this difficult. Although our DNA is pre-programmed with the strong instinct to feel attraction and desire, life and morality require that we be able to control those instincts. So, how do we go about doing that? We need to be able to find the answer for the sake of our marriages, relationships, or even our spiritual well-being. You are fighting a battle against sexual temptations, and it is critical that you win early.
Here are ten strategies on how to avoid illicit sex and overcome sexual temptation.
1. Stay away from tempting situations.
Avoiding traps is essential for early success. The last thing you want is to be alone with the object of your unhealthy desires, whether they are images or actual people.
If you must communicate with that person, make sure you do so in a public place where others can see you. Set boundaries around your phone, computer, and television. Look for a partner who is willing to assist you with accountability.
2. Think about the consequences.
Consider the consequences of action as well as the object of your desire. Will it help or hurt your marriage or relationship? What would your wife say if she found out? Consider the consequences of your actions, and then imagine your wife finding out. Do you want to deal with the consequences? Always keep the big picture in mind. What do you want to do? Are your thoughts and actions directing you in that direction?
3. Stay away from pornography.
Aside from the obvious reason that avoiding porn will help protect against lust, there are also psychological reasons. Porn instills unrealistic expectations in us and desensitizes us to our spouses. They can’t possibly live up to the expectations, and would we want them to? This shifts the focus of your sexual desires outside of the home and can only lead to disaster.
4. Exercise caution when using social media.
There are numerous advantages to using social media, but there are also numerous disadvantages. We are reunited with old friends and introduced to new acquaintances. Old sparks can be rekindled, and new ones can be ignited. This can be extremely dangerous for a married man.
When using social media, keep an eye out for genuine intentions.
5. Call your intentions into question.
When our minds wander sexually, we aren’t always looking for pure sex. We are looking for something to fill a void in our lives and relationships. It’s also possible that we’re trying to avoid dealing with something difficult. These things will be unique to each man’s experiences. Determine the source of the problem and work to resolve it.
6. Practice sexual intimacy.
“Sexual lust has little room to operate when our minds and hearts are occupied in the right place.”
“While there is no way to return to how you felt when your relationship was new, there are certainly many ways to rekindle that level of relational excitement.” Date nights, passionate kissing, and thoughtful gestures are just a few examples. Sexual lust has little room to operate when our minds and hearts are focused on the right things.
7. Consistently pray.
Learning on how to avoid illicit sex and sexual temptation, you need to understand prayer. Prayer is the act of communicating with God your concerns, hopes, and dreams. Lift up your desires and ask for assistance. God created you, knows who you are, and can deliver you time and time again.
8. Pick your friends carefully.
When it comes to sexual temptation, there are plenty of people who will encourage and enable us. You can still be their friend, but avoid joining them in their bad relationship choices.
9. Maintain high standards.
It is a choice to be a gentleman. A very good choice, and the world needs many more like it today. Regardless of the numerous temptations that life throws at us, we must maintain the highest moral standards. Self-discipline in all aspects of our lives produces positive outcomes.
how else can i avoid illicit sex urges?
10. Redirect your enthusiasm.
Rather than being ruled by untamed lust, channel it in a positive direction. Use that energy to come up with ways to bless your wife. Focus on things that will make the world a better place, such as volunteering at a homeless shelter. Volunteer to coach a youth sports team. Counsel troubled people.
Other Helpful Resources:
Preparing For Marriage. The Truth You Must Know
How To Stop Pornography Addiction
How to Stop Masturbating. (10 Biblical And Powerful Steps)
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